what do you call a . . . .

All over the newspaper today is the story of the long agonising demise of the Channel 9 television network.

Now I'm no comedian, but I'm sure there is someone out there who could make a reasonably funny joke in the form of: what happens when you cross a cash cow with an arsehole

I'm sure there is something funny in there.

Like too many big businesses Channel 9, hasn't prepared for the huge sweeping changes in technology. Almost every part of my life has been affected by new technologies in the past 5 years. I left sunny Dunedin with my brand new 35mm point and shoot in mid 2001, I remember oooing and aarrhing at the few digital cameras, smirking at the strange habits of a digital camera operator (holding the camera at arms length to take the photo their peering into the tiny little screen, "yep that was a good one!"). Six months later, I was the odd one out, everyone had digital. In 2002 I was introduced to the iPod, now I have all my music in my pocket. Laptops have gone from small and portable, up to huge powerful desktop replacements and back to small and portable again. Mobile phones got smaller and smaller, then briefly bigger, turned into clamshells, and now smaller again. And these are just the ordinary everyday gadgets that everyone has, not to mention the DVD replacement is nearly here (GO BLU RAY!!), and 3rd gen gaming is on our doorstep.

The same changes are happening in our lounge rooms, people are looking to different sources for the supply of their entertainment. There seems to be no limit to the amount and content of entertainment now readily available via the internet, and none of this is high tech either, you don't need to be computer whiz to download music videos, songs, TV shows, and movies. Plus, all the mini versions - video podcasts, mobisodes, tardisodes, and miniscreen film festivals. And did I read somewhere that wikipedia has encyclopaedia shaking in its boots???

What has Channel 9 been doing all this time?? . . . . . looks to me like nothing. In fact I think they may have even been fighting to try and keep things the same, watching as their viewers left in droves. As much as I think old Bert can be a pretty funny fellow it really was a step backwards, and perhaps the nail in the coffin, to pit Family Feud against Deal or No Deal. Enough with the “return to the good old days”, stop asking what the formula says to do now – try doing something NEW. The crowd is hushed, what’s this?? Something NEW they say?? It will never work!!!

Channel 9 isn’t the only big company with change phobia, many businesses have such a good thing going that they don't want to change. Some more than others are fighting hard too keep the status quo, American oil companies for one. Others have joined the revolution too late (Kodak) and others have finally tried to pick up their game (I can't believe I'm typing this but McDonalds at least at face value have tried to recapture some of their lost market - but who really knows what is in their food, if someone could make a salad unhealthy they are the ideal candidate. Even Coke-a-Cola took a hit with the health drink fad.

Not to mention, my favourite, Microsoft - every which way they turn someone is clawing away at their dominance. What have we seen that's new from Microsoft recently??? And don't tell me Vista is coming - so is Christmas! and Christmas really will be here first!

Let’s not forget the arse part of my joke. Seems a very disgruntled ex - senior Channel 9 employee has diligently kept detailed accounts of juicy conversations with the top dogs. Then when Channel 9 tried to stop him from defecting to rival Channel 7 this employee whipped out of his pocket all the dirt he had meticulously collected over the recent months for the court and public to see. Before Channel 9 could blink crikey.com had dutifully posted as much of this dirt as they could!! Unfortunately, the court has now suppressed the information so all of us who where too slow to pick it up first time round will have to wait.

Disclaimer: disgruntled employee often translates into vindictive employee, so this post claims no responsibility for the accuracy of said dirt!

What’s the moral of this story? Watch out because the cow just might bite you in the arse, and then you’ll have a big cow bite out of your arse, and that wont be good because it might make sitting down awkward, and people will probably look at you funny, and jeans will never look the same on you again. . . . . . .

no seriously though - what are we paying for?